It makes me think of Jim Gaffigan's response to "what's it like having your fourth kid?" He goes, "Just imagine you're drowning. And then someone hands you a baby." That was 2013. One. Thing. After. The. Other.
Like every year since graduating college, 2014 was no picnic but at least I had a church family now. Going into this new year with a job I'm excited about and the ability to get my own place and some (knock on wood) STABILITY, I'm hoping 2015 will be way way WAY better than the last two years.
In 2013 and 2014 I started writing on my calendar every time I had an answer to prayer. Going through it the other day my mind was blown. Looking back I can see God working. I want to encourage any of you who are struggling with all the death, and sickness, and pain in this world. Psalm 34:18 says, "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This has been the case in my life. Below is a handful of answered prayers I can share via blogging. Know there are answers to prayer from the past two years that blow these out of the water. I'd be more than happy to share them with you in private. I hope this will remind you that we have a BIG and LOVING God.
-Heart Association: A week after my dad had his heart attack and his heart was only doing 35% of what it should, I was praying to the Lord at work, telling Him how overwhelmed and scared I was. Right then I get a call from a woman with the American Heart Association. She wanted to talk to HR about signing up a team for a heart walk. I could have easily missed her and just passed her on to HR, but something went wrong and she got sent back to me so we started talking. I told her what happened a week prior and she was so encouraging and told me about all these resources I didn't know were out there.
-Lunch Friend: I remember complaining to my friend Allison how I didn't have a friend to eat lunch with at my new job and missed having lunch every day with my Bristol girls who I did international missions with and went with to the same Pentecostal-type church. She challenged me to pray and ask God for a friend to eat lunch with. It would have been cool if all of a sudden I made a friend at work, but no. God had to show off. A couple weeks later who shows up? Some girl who just finished doing missions work around the world for a year and grew up at a Pentecostal church!!!!!! Both of us started at a TRUCKING company at THE SAME TIME!?!?? Needless to say, lunch was no longer a lonely bore.
-Little Gifts: I lost all my CDs in college. Going down to a bowl game a couple years later I lost my iPod. It was good in a way though. I had enough heartache in my life. I needed to stay away from my country songs. Now there are two dates that come up in the year that can be hard for me and make me wonder, "really God? Do You really know what You're doing? I feel like You're hurting me." On one of those days I was getting ready for bed and had a song from one of my favorite old CDs stuck in my head. I thought, "Man I miss that band. I can't find them on Youtube or anything. If I could have one CD back it would probably be that one. It's unique; it's in my voice range..." I get on the floor to pray in my new bedroom- my grandparents' junk room. I'm praying about how it's a hard day of the year, how I really need the Lord to let me know He's with me, etc. I open my eyes and look to the right and there in a pile of my grandma's junk is that band's CD, by my head the whole time! Later when the other date like this came up I was driving my little cousin. He opens the arm rest between the driver and passenger seat and says, "what's this?". It was my iPod. I didn't know that compartment opened! My friend must have put the iPod in there coming back from the bowl game. The little Apple machine survived three summers and winters in my car!!
-Volleyball: Some people on my volleyball team were getting on my nerves. We were in the "social league", for people who aren't that serious about it. A lot of us were beginners but could laugh when we messed up. Other people on the team should have gone up a league, because they were really good AND competitive. Their proclivity towards the latter did not create in them the most gracious of hearts towards the rest of us. One day I asked the Lord if I could play really well so that the other good players would see someone with skill be kind to someone lacking in skill, or even give me the chance to be gracious towards THEM when they messed up. I played REALLY well that day and was given those opportunities.
-Moving: I packed up one day and decided I had to move out of my grandparents' house. I didn't know exactly what I would do. I'm in the car praying to the Lord, "I know You know I had to leave. Where do You want me to go? I can't go here, I can't go live there...WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO?" Right then I parked and see the car in front of me has the license plate "PSLM32 8". I thought, "OK. This better be something." Psalm 32:8 says, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." That very night I meet these strangers in Church Hill (neighborhood right by my job) who have a room in their house for only $200 a month (exactly what I can afford).
-Joy: I had one palm face up and the other driving me home. I was singing a worship song. It mentioned "JOY". I prayed, "Lord I don't want JOY in other things. I need to learn to have JOY in YOU." You can't make this up. The second I finish saying that I come up to a car who's license plate is "JOY NHYM".
-Workout: Again I was praying in the car and I asked the Lord what to do about something and being kind of depressed. What license plate then comes in front of me? "EXERCISE". I had been making excuses to my fitness instructor friend all week about why I wasn't working out. After that I DID workout, and it turns out it was exactly what I needed.
-401K: One weekend I was talking to my friends (pastor and his wife) about finances. My pastor's been reading books on economics in his spare time. Unlike me he actually gets excited talking about personal finances and budgeting and savings. Trying to be helpful, he started drawing diagrams and going all over this stuff that is all over my head. I was just thinking, "this is all great, but you have to HAVE money to do something with it. I have no money to do anything with!" I left pretty bummed, wondering how on earth I could ever have savings, figuring it was all my fault for taking too much out in student loans or something. Three days later at work the HR guy comes up to me and says, "If someone told you they had free money for you, would you take it?" He figured out a way for me to have a 401K without putting any of my own money in, and if I just signed some papers he could backtrack and put months of past money in. Basically, he gave me my retirement. I called my friend/pastor's wife and asked if they had prayed about my finances. She said, "yeah you seemed upset after we talked about things the other day, so we prayed the Lord would give you peace about your finances."
-Dream: For a while I was asking Jesus if I could see Him in my dreams, if we could hang out. People got to see him 2,000 years ago. I was jealous. I kept praying this. One night I DID have a dream with Him in it. It was not what I was expecting (which is usually His way). It's an interesting story.
-Accepting Christ: One night I prayed our church would actually see a nonbeliever come to know Christ. I go to church with awesome people- they're intelligent, they're patient, they're loving. I didn't understand how any nonbelievers we hung out with didn't see Jesus was real. I get an email the next day from our pastor that THAT night one of the last people he'd ever expect to accept Christ as their savior did!
-Robbie: This past year I was praying more for my older brother Robbie who has Downs Syndrome. He easily gets lost in the shuffle. I had no clue what his relationship with the Lord looked like. One week I was praying pretty fervently for him, asking the Lord, "does he even pray to You?" I didn't know if I'd ever heard him pray. He never wanted to if he was asked. That Sunday our extended family got together for a birthday or something and my mom goes, "Robbie told me in the car on the way here that he would like to pray before we eat." I then heard my brother give a real and beautiful little prayer- something like "Dear God, we thank you for all the things. We love You. In Jesus name, Amen." My jaw was on the floor.
-Free Lunch: One day I was fasting and praying over provision. A $900 car problem messed me up big time. I was like, "Lord, I'm partly fasting right now because I don't feel like buying food. I can't even afford basic food right now! I need some help here!" After that I go back into the office and this guy I see every day looks at me and goes, "I owe you a lunch." I was like, "what...?" All of a sudden he remembered I picked his lunch up for him when he was busy one time LAST YEAR.
-My Deer: One day I was about to go crazy from the monotony of my life. I was very frustrated with the Lord. I went to the park to jog like I did most days, and probably NEEDED to run to let off some steam, but instead I walked. I said, "Lord, I need today to be different. I need this day to not look like every. OTHER. DAY. OK? So can I please see a deer? I've decided I want to see a deer. Yes. I've never seen a deer here. I hardly ever see them. Show me a deer." I stopped behind different trees waiting. I was adamant. Eventually I came out of the woods into a field and there was a deer. You'd think that would be awesome enough, but I got gutsy. I was like, "Lord, it would be reallyreally cool if I could walk past the deer and sit on that bench over there to watch it for awhile. I promise I won't mess with it." I started walking to the bench. The deer let me get BETWEEN it and the woods. It was just 20 feet from me! I sat on the bench and the experience was GLORIOUS! After twenty minutes or so it went into the woods. Then the Lord was crazy gracious again. I followed this deer into the woods! It would walk a little ways, then I would walk a little ways. Again, we were about 20 feet apart this whole time! I tried to get closer than that at one point and it snorted at me and looked like it was about to charge. Since I promised the Lord I wouldn't mess with it I backed up. But all together that day, I spent an hour with this deer. That day was NOT like every other day.
-Can you?: Similar feeling as the day above- I was leaving work and hadn't hardly talked to another human being all day, and I was going home to not talk to another human being all day. I thought, "OK Lord, You say You want me to turn to You and have JOY in You? You haven't talked to me all day. I could go home and read Your Word, and I could get something out of it, but I want to know for sure that YOU are there and listening to me and talking to me specifically!! Can you just make this license plate up here have a specific verse on it please?" I pull up to this car and the plate is "MRK9V23" Mark 9 verse 23 is this: " 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."
I could go on and on with these y'all. The Lord is so real it isn't funny. I don't know how people go through this life without experiencing moments like this, where you know the Lord is with you and loves you. If I had never met Jesus and didn't believe He loved me specifically.... I'll say it: I could possibly have killed myself things were so awful. If you're interested in knowing more about why I truly believe Jesus is this God, let me know. We'll talk.
If you know Jesus is God but don't know why He is putting you through what He's putting you through, you're not alone. Most of these answers to prayer showed me He was with me. The things I pray most about He doesn't answer how I'd like. These answers show me though that He hears the other prayers too. He wants me to trust that, and trust that all of this is for my good and His glory.
Last one: This past winter I was sitting at my desk at work. It's right by the door. I had a blanket on, snow boots, a scarf, and my winter coat. I HATE winter. I HATE being cold. I was talking to the Lord, "I hate winter so much. Why do we have winter anyways? Life is hard enough without it being cold. I feel like my life is a winter right now..." RIGHT THEN (can't make this up!!) our HR director walks up, looks out at the snow and says, "You know why we have winters?" He had my attention. "The winter is great for killing pests. We've had mild winters the last couple years, and they haven't been enough to kill the bugs like they should. There's a purpose behind what nature does, just uncomfortable sometimes." I was thinking God's purpose in my personal winter was so I would learn thankfulness and better appreciate summer when it finally came. Not at all. When my colleague said that, I knew God was telling me this season of my life is about refining me. He wants to kill my sin. He wants me to throw that crap off and get to know Him on a level I can't imagine.
Know He loves you too. Call on Him.
This third I will put into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’
-Zechariah 13:9
Love you, Kat!
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