HE CAREZ

Dear Reader,
   I want you to feel the weight of what happened today, so I'm sorry but I can't make it short and sweet.  God gets more praise this way.  Also, I hope you like girl talk.

   I know I've shared on here before about my Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).  These little cysts cause me to have WAY messed up hormone levels, which in turn gives me some very not fun symptoms.  Obviously I'm out there and open about everything, but if you didn't know, this has caused me to severely lose my hair.  I won't wear it down any more and will probably look into wigs in a year or two.  Doctors don't think I've ever ovulated- so infertility could come with this too.  The one nice symptom I'VE had (these symptoms vary for everyone with PCOS) is my period always comes every two months or more, not the 28-day average.
   In January of 2011 an endocrinologist put me on a birth control pill and some other pill three times a day to "help" my hair loss.  It gave me a regular period (or tricked my body into one- no ovulation with birth control obviously) and gave me the clearest skin everrrrr.  I didn't even have to wash my face hardly.  Though my hair didn't come back, it was probably slowing down the rate at which I lost it.  Birth Control was sweet.  Things changed a year ago though.  All my friends are grown up and working in the medical field.  They told me there is no birth control (other than condoms) that can 100% guarantee it won't prevent a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterine wall.  Yes, it's point may be to kill sperm, and there may be a very very small chance of it contributing to a fertilized egg not being able to attach, but that chance is there.  People say their doctors don't tell them this.  The pharmacist friend says the information is right there on the drugs.  Your doctor may not think an itty-bitty chance of this happening to something they may not consider life is worth mentioning.  
   So I thought, well, I'd like to get married one day.  Odds are I will, so I need to get off the pill and figure something else out.  Seeing God do miraculous healings while I lived in Bristol, and paying more attention to the topic as I read the Bible, I asked Him to heal me.  This was around Labor Day weekend last year.  I asked my Bristol girls to seriously pray about this that weekend too.  First day back to the real world, a woman on my volleyball team told me her niece had the exact same thing, had to wear a wig, but went gluten-free and now wore her hair down.  It helped that much.  My favorite food is bread people.  When I was eleven I threw up at Thanksgiving because I stuffed 14 dinner rolls into my tiny stomach.  I love wheat.  YET I gave it up because I thought this had to be God's answer.  I, Katherine Hodges, went gluten-free for five months!!!  
   Nothing changed.  My skin went back in time to middle school days, angry with me for taking away the birth control.  Turning 26 I had to get my own insurance and pay for the other drug on my own.  It wasn't worth the money to me... I figured God could heal me if it was His plan, and if it wasn't, I'd rather spend the money on rent or something eternal.
   The week of Christmas, after being back a year, I finally found a home church in Richmond- literally, as we meet in homes.  It is amazing and awesome.  This couple my age had just started it.  Like me, these people believe the Bible to be God-breathed and authoritative.  Love this church.  In April I went to visit my friend in Philadelphia.  I wore these flat-as-paper sandals walking allll over the city and it messed my foot UP.  The last day I limped the whole time.  I hoped it would feel better after resting in the car home, but when I got to church I still had to limp it was so painful.  I asked if anyone had the gift of healing.  A guy prayed for God to heal it while a girl laid hands on it.  I stood up.  I walked.  There was zero pain.  Praise God for healing and this church that believes God can do anything!
   Something just as miraculous if you know what my financial situation has been- I paid off my car in August.  Between that and my little sister being grown-up enough to get married, I figured I should be grown-up enough to go to the gynecologist for the first time.  This doctor specializes in PCOS stuff too and was recommended by a friend.  After a long visit and follow-up visit where she said big words and I wrote them down to figure out later, she told me she hasn't seen anyone with symptoms as severe as mine!  (Oh my gosh, MY LIFE....it actually makes me laugh. :b)  She recommended I get this surgery where they cut out part of my ovaries.  (You can click here and scroll down to "Ovary Wedge Resection", but it's graphic.)  She also suggested I take natural family planning classes on charting cycles and all that fun stuff, because she confirmed that, yes, my pharmacist friend was correct about birth control.
   Back to church.  After the doctor visit I asked everyone to pray for me.  This doctor wanted me to do a surgery, but I couldn't afford it with my current insurance plan.  I figured if she specialized in this that she would have seen people like me, but my hair loss was severe even to her.  I told them it was kind of cool though, because like usual, God was putting me in a place where I was desperate for Him to come through.  We had a time of prayer and worship.  We had a message, shared with each other like we do.  After we were free to hang out, of course I had to be my bossy self.  I reminded them of my testimony, how God had shown me that His word was living and breathing.  I wanted to do exactly as it said in James 5: "Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord."  I told them I didn't quite get it, but I wanted to do that.  I want to know I did what God said.  So everyone laid hands on me and we scrounged up some coconut oil and people took turns asking God to heal me.  It was really beautiful.  Again, love them.  I was hoping my hair would grow back that second, I'd feel something...... but there was nothing.  
   When my man Hezekiah asked God to heal him and God said He would, Hezekiah was still given medicine.  Someone mentioned how they heard stress played a big role in cysts.  We talked about how I should join a gym and get serious about taking care of my body- it does have a tendency to take stress on physically.  My jaw was locked for a month when I quit SafeWorld.  Last year there was horrible family stuff and I had like... ten canker sores in my mouth for weeks.  So yes, maybe just taking care of my body more could be medicine.  God's lack of healing could be because He created the symptoms to tell me something- I needed to get control of stress and be a good steward of my body.
   The next day there was a flyer in the mail for a gym by my office costing only $10 a month....I told the Lord, "Fine".  This was my first week going.  I don't know what I'm doing, but a third of this house church are fitness instructors it seems, so I think I'll be good.  Then yesterday I got to talk to the woman who teaches the NaPro classes my doctor recommended.  We'd been emailing, and after she told me the price I told her I'd just figure it out on my own.  (Because I'm soooo great at science and health.)  I didn't think my extra money from paying off my car would be able to keep being stretched.  She emailed we should talk, saying "Katherine,would you have time for a phone call on Wednesday?  I'd like to explain NaPro's approach for PCOS so you know what you're comparing us with.  It is our highest success for infertility (2.8x better than IVF) and 90% of women go into regular cycles."  Those were some crazy statistics, so I talked to her.  There may be some financial aid for the classes.  That was good news.  She too went on and on about the surgery and told me to get that done ASAP; it works.  I found out I actually might be able to afford it if I switch my insurance plan in January.  I thought, "OK Lord.... you saw me this week as I cried for the sick woman in Luke 8, as I cried for myself because I KNOW the same Jesus now sits at the right hand of the Father on my behalf and could have healed me the second we prayed at church, but... this is cool too.  Look at all these things coming together."
   Back to church again.  This month we've had extra Saturday sessions going over Gospel Fluency.  I feel like I'm unlocking the key to the universe.  (Because I am.)  I had no IDEA the idols in my life.  I'm a mess.  It's amazing.  It IS amazing to have your eyes opened to what is causing pain.  Like the PCOS, now that I have a name for all my random symptoms (why I overreact when this thing happens, why I can't let go of that thing), I can figure out what the medicine should be.  How can the Gospel penetrate my heart in this and that situation?  I had no idea you could look at the Good News of Jesus from so many angles!!  This should be a post in itself, but this month has not merely been the beginning of physical healing.
   So let's recap.  I have felt hopeless when it came to my PCOS.  I found out there are some hopeful procedures I could have.  PCOS has made me get serious about my physical health.  PCOS has been a good reminder of my spiritual health.  When I cry to God because I can't get my hair to do what it should, I'm ALWAYS reminded that I don't cry to Him over my sin like that.  It has caused me to get serious about the sin in my life.  Since I can remember in my 14 years menstruating, I have had my period every two months or longer.  Today I got my period at 31 days in my cycle.  

   Say WHAT?!  Yes, that's one month- NOT two.  That's never happened off birth control.  This makes no sense.

   This is a miracle!

   Y'all.  Nothing different has happened.  I've worked out long before joining this gym.  This doctor didn't prescribe anything.  The only thing different is between my last period and this period my church heard the Word and believed and prayed.
   What does this mean?  NO CLUE!  I was ready to have a surgery!  Does this mean I'm ovulating and working right?  Is it going to continue?  I know I haven't seen a difference in hair loss.  THE LORD IS CRAZY!!!  Again, the PCOS has opened my eyes to things.  I still want to take the classes.  I'm glad I'm finally taking care of my body.  I don't know if I would look at sin how I do without it, and in response, how I look at Jesus.  Maybe the Lord just wanted to get me to a certain point in my level of Faith.  I'll watch in coming months and see what my doctor thinks.  I do know this:

Friend saw this today and thought of me.  She had no clue any of this was going on!!

 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5

Should we pray?

  Last night at my church a guy came in late because he had been on the phone with his dad.  Not uncommon.  Except it is for him.  He told us that morning he had woken up from a dream about his dad.  He got up and prayed, asking God if he could please find his father this year.  He hadn't seen him in twenty years.  That same day his father called and found HIM.  This is my God.  He is Yahweh.  
   Believe it or not, my God-moving-answered-prayer story of the week shocked everyone more than that story.  Oh my God is good and His word is true.  I wish I could share on here with everyone.  I could tell you so many stories of God moving.  I've done it on here before.  Instead I want to pass along to you what has helped me in prayer and dramatically changed my life.  I read the Bible, and I take it literally.  I don't have time to explain why that means I don't have to follow Hebrew laws like not wearing clothes with mixed fibers... SO just try this little prayer piece out, whether you believe in God or are searching.  Go through the Bible and read what it says about prayer and apply it.  See that God DOES NOT ALWAYS LISTEN.  I'm so sick of hearing "God always hears you".  He says He won't.  An example here would be Psalm 66:18.  I've probably read that Psalm a dozen times and just saw this today!  You have to be looking for these things.  Here are examples of what I came across this weekend while reading some of the minor prophets.  I'd love comments of your favorite verses like these as you find them.  I'm limiting myself to only the books I read this weekend.  I could go on and on, but this way you can get in the Word yourself and be looking.

So..... should we pray?    

As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given...
Daniel 9:23

 First just start praying and see!  Study Daniel's prayer in chapter 9.  See how he talks to the Lord of All Creation and imitate him.  Study Daniel's character and why he was heard.  When you don't know what/how to pray you can turn to the Psalms and other people's prayers.

...Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them.
Daniel 10:12

Seek wisdom and humble yourself.  So huge.  And humble yourself BEFORE God.  Yes we are to pray without ceasing.  There's nothing wrong with praying on your drive to work, praying a quick "give me patience" while you're talking with someone.  I think there IS a problem with never closing your door and getting prostrate before the One who gave you life, who has the power to throw you into Hell.

...All their kings fall, and none of them calls on me.
Hosea 7:7

This just struck me that it matters to God when we don't call on Him.  He wants to hear from you.

"Even now, " declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning."...   ...Then the LORD will be jealous for his land and take pity on his people. 
Joel 2:12-18

Is your prayer time this intense?  I know I couldn't drive a car while doing that.  Evidently this affects our God.  I've noticed lately that the times I'm this intense He really shows up.

Seek good, not evil, that you may live.  Then the LORD God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is.

Amos 5:14

So you say God is with you, but is He?  When was the last time He answered a prayer in a miraculous way?  Amos is full of what the Lord finds evil.  Turn from those things. 

Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps.
Amos 5:23

In verse 21 He says, "I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies."  This tells me God is not with every church.  There are churches with hymns at 11a.m. Sunday mornings that actually hurt His ears.  He says He will NOT listen.

   When they had stripped the land clean, I cried out, "Sovereign LORD, forgive! How can Jacob survive? He is so small!" 
   So the LORD relented. "This will not happen, " the LORD said. 
   This is what the Sovereign LORD showed me: The Sovereign LORD was calling for judgement by fire; it dried up the great deep and devoured the land. Then I cried out, "Sovereign LORD, I beg you, stop! How can Jacob survive? He is so small!"  
   So the LORD relented.  "This will not happen either, " the Sovereign LORD said.
Amos 7:2-6

Cry out for others!  Our prayers change God's course of action!  Check out Jeremiah 12:11 (especially in the NIV Bible).  "Never let your prayin' knees get lazy".  (That's not the verse.) 

...In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me.  From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.

Jonah 2:2

He listens when we call for help from Him.  When you're at the end of your rope (or the bottom of a whale), He is there.  Look at this whole prayer in context.  Jonah's answer to the storm stopping, then not drowning, was he was swallowed by a whale.  When you're inside a whale for three days, it's probably not your idea of fun.  You don't know how you'll ever get out, you can't see any light, you never would have planned this, please see that still- this "whale" prevents you from drowning.  You're walking right in the middle of answered prayer.  Get on your face and sing a song of thanksgiving like Jonah did.

When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
Jonah 2:7

Remember God in hard times.  Turn to Him, not from Him, and your prayers will rise to Him.  Amos 4 is full of God sending calamity after calamity in hopes that Israel would return to God.  What you're going through may be His way of getting your attention, so give it.  Do you want Him to send you more crap?  Worse yet, do you want Him to no longer give a hoot about you?  Things could be going well in your life because He is done trying to get your attention.  Chew on this: Satan can care less if you're healthy, rich, have good self-esteem.  All he cares about is whether you worship and fear the Lord.  If he can get your mind off the Lord by giving you "good" things, he will.

Then they will cry out to the LORD, but he will not answer them.  At that time he will hide his face from them because of the evil they have done.
Micah 3:4

Jesus' death for our sins was big enough for any evil in your past.  This appears to be people who are not repentant.  Are you?  

Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears.  You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.  You ask, "Why?"  It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
Malachi 2:13-14

Guess what church.  God takes marriage very seriously.  Weep and wail all you want, but He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16).  Study what the word says on marriage.  It's affecting your prayers.  (1 Peter 3:7)  This link will take you to a good sermon series on marriage by a biblical pastor.

Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard...
Malachi 3:16

This is so cool!  Just if we meet with others who FEAR the Lord He hears us.

There is so much teaching on this topic throughout the Bible.  You want to hear from God?  The Bible is His primary voice.  Listen to Him!  

JOY in God

Yahweh has talked to me so much through the preaching of men like Francis Chan, David Platt, and John Piper.  Finding this today was a direct answer to my time in prayer last night. You don't even know...

God is real.  Seek Him.  Seek to have JOY in Him.

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"Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, " declares the LORD...

-Jeremiah 29:12-14a